Sometimes it’s as hard as stopping, not waiting for it, but being receptive to its possibility. When it comes, don’t dismiss it, don’t cling to it. But take it in.
“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~ Nelson Mandela
I’m seeing slower. Trying to break my habit of quick-quick identifying and filing away under misc, figuratively and literally.
Instead attending to and seeing patterns to light, news, people. Calm the inner chatter. Being sick helps. Remember the old fundraising ad for the heart and lung society: If you can’t breathe, nothing else matters.
The body naturally makes 4 litres a day of mucus when healthy. We just don’t need to notice until we’re sick. It prevents ulcers in the stomach and mouth, make for some of the more pleasant of slippery slopes.
This congestion ——despite the hack out a lung, abs are getting sore from this workout—— is psychologically the best in a few years. My dad had a do not intervene medical order so he died by drowning in the hospital as his lungs filled with phlegm. That took a few weeks of him wasting into skeletal. A side-effect he didn’t anticipate is how it would effect me. But him willing himself to die wasn’t about me. Anyway,
I spent a lot of last year, well, every year for a lot years, feeling I was in a headlong fall or run from night dreams to ready for bed again.
I felt in an uneven match against time and resenting how little I had. Every day was a scarcity or poverty of time to fight. I could have fun in the run or just be worn out but I’d try to jam in as much as I could before I dropped.
Part of that if from a good place, from a life-wish, a desire to let myself learn about everything. Admitting limits is always hard and so many people do so little but watch TV. Someone has to participate in society to pick up the slack.
Part of that pressed effect comes from digital speed.
Am I any better for monitoring what thousands of humans are doing?
I consumed enormous amount of information at skim-speed to some benefit. I know about diverse stuff.
It also cultivates a sense of impotency and suckers into false urgencies of competing stories. The answer isn’t to lalalala but slow down and carve time.
A couple weeks into the year we’re extending of patterns from last year towards more structure.
If unacted on by outside schedule we’ll workaholic ourselves until we are drained.
So a change against the drain.
Last year we took to paying attention to electricity rates and running the dishwasher when the industries aren’t demanding the power. Instead of doing laundry whenever there was a particular item wanted, we settled on a regular wash day. There’s no need for me to race back and post daily. Instead of daily blog, a weekday food blog. I’ve added processing photos to a Sunday schedule.
For a lot of years when we eat a meal or sleep could swing by 3-5 hours. What if this were more regular? Now we’re running an experiment of what happens if the internet is turned off until after lunch. The day starts with reading on paper, talking, not checking what emails happened overnight as before. No wake-up-the-brain online scrabble. No drifting segue into whatever.
The day has discrete units. Greeting, rising, breakfasting, exercise, editing, eating, editing, check online. Free time, with slots depending on the day of the week. A time together mid-afternoon break. After 6pm supper, time together without work intruding.
It gives something of the feeling we had while vacationing. Something that some people call an organic rhythm. By doing less and having more downtime, we’re getting more done. We saw in a store a Fuckit List, instead of a BucketList and it is a freeing idea. There’s more gain than lost at this phase to give a good clean, nope, not happening. With wiggle room you ask to be persuaded and everyone wastes time.
If I’m going to stare into mid-space, better to do that alone. It’s better to stop than “multitask”. The more you do the less you get done of each thing. By stopping instead of switching, there isn’t the filler of busy-work out of the mistaken notion that if you keep moving you’re training yourself for being productive. From the mistaken idea that you don’t lose time getting back up to speed if you never stop. Change of speed is easier on the engine. “Change is as good as a rest” isn’t true for being catchy. Sometimes there’s an impasse and coming back at it fresh is good but that’s a different thing. Sometimes it’s discipline to push thru and sometimes it’s wasting time that could be used better elsewhere. Consider what priorities are rather than jump as if it were a speed test. Life is fleeting but that’s a reason to consider the value of options more than do any random thing.
I don’t feel I’m at such a high vibrate as I was. We’ll see how it continues to go.
On another note, thanks to Gerard for pointing to Matryoshka Word Generator.
May your 2015 be full of better and better ideas still.
How vaccines work, how anti-vaccinators persist, and how vaccines create herd immunity.
And may the year be of action. And inaction just when you need it.
“[W]hen I ask you a question, you don’t have to answer right away. But you do have to be right.”[...]
Cognitive flexibility is the ability to see alternative solutions to problems, to think outside the box, to negotiate unfamiliar situations. Cognitive self-control is the ability to inhibit an instinctive or habitual response and substitute a more effective, less obvious one.
From Spiegel, chess and how to think by Shane Parrish.
If you’re ready for new, try out our new bot baby: it comes as a generator page for matryoshka words such as “Well, that puts the even in revenge.” or “Well, that puts the prop in appropriate.” You’ll want to press that refresh paddle until you dazzle. A perfect solution for lack of sleep. WellThatPuts is on twitter too where you can follow it. Y’know if you do that sort of thing.
The feeling of wanting to hermit and listen for compass spin has lasted most of the year. Maybe take a year and see what obeying does.
Silver Lake, silvered.
So, thinking about formally reducing schedules instead of drifting.
Daily had seemed too much. Now weekly does. I sniffed at monthly bloggers as just occasionally updating a static site and not really blogging but it seems that’s my trajectory so I’ll understand that from the inside.
Thin dusting of hoarfrost.
What’s so bad about speaking only when you have something pressing to say? Apart from nothing qualifying ever. And being immediately forgotten so no one registers my existence so when I do come up with something to say, I get blank looks of who? And have no built context.
Reduce, reuse, recycle letters, pixels and pictures.
In some ways, it is good to extend self, push out, or else the walls move steadily in, but what if there’s pushing against walls as if that makes them stay put. but it’s exertion and grunting and the earthquakes stopped years ago?
So it’s been seen before. Said before. Recorded better. How is that a cause for complaint? Are we here to be an audience to passively receive first class entertainment, or a community of people to share and listen?
Contempt for the familiar underlies the known not being enough. For the majority of life not being satisfying. The solution is not to compete more or disdain more but chill a little, not be so needy and greedy for “the best”. For “quality”.
Too much peace leads to restless wars against boredom or not the right subtleties.
Too much conflict drives the restless to distraction or seeking respite from their own restlessness.
What is worthwhile in life? Being a creator? A consumer? A citizen? Just surviving? Finding routes to thriving? Being a savior? Being a leader? Being the best follower? Being discerning and smart or heartfelt and “real”? Being “normal” or ego-stroked “weird”? Being resilient enough to not be knocked under so much? To learn to enjoy the tussle and thistle? Finding or building the significance? To not screw up as much as before or to screw up only gloriously?
It’s all just putting in time. Same as the beetles, the nematodes, the aspen, the air masses that move the planet, gathering and dissolving strength.
That may be xmas depletion talking. It wasn’t bad. Perhaps the best most neutral to pleasant Christmas in years. There’s no letdown, anticlimax. The measured dread that comes from being holiday-schedule-hostage since October wasn’t as severe this time.
Consumed pine cone.
I write pine comb every time the first time.
It’s not that xmas was unpopulated but people are nervous of their existence being outed by the internet. Omitting is easing. What you leave out is easier. What to leave in is harder.
Not is a good thing.
Lowering expectation of good and bad helps as a rule. It is what it is, and then we move on. Not that things are intrinsically some way. Beliefs like that prop themselves against change.
I cling to less. That’s hard but needed. It moderates. But how can things signify if not held onto. By speaking things doesn’t make them signify. Silences don’t grant weight either in itself.
I aimed to give up all hope before entering in holidays, expected nothing good, but braced against creating bad feedback cycles, joined in some, and probably seemed chipper, if a little strained, less strained and closed than normal. Who knows how it looks from the outside.
How things are based in the story, not the events.
May you write a good 2015.