14 Mar 2014, 12:17pm
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A Little Personal History, part 16, undersharing

From the intonation range and pitch I thought it was a group of jocular teen boys coming around the corner with one person piping up louder than the rest. Then just one guy appeared coming down the street on a cell phone. I thought, wow, how loud.

Then as he came close enough to hear his words: “so, what, you want the veepee to come over and grin-fuck you?”

The reply was long and I didn’t u-turn my stroll after him to catch the next. (Although I was sorely tempted.)

Now, was that worth it for him to share with the world, or here to you?

I found it funny. Pattern and pattern of expectation broken. This vivid language such a contrast to the normal registers. Veepee, a useful word, 11 points in scrabble, 45 on triple word with the V on a DL.

What would it signify? When in a good mood, everything looks tasty. I’m curious. Colours are more saturated and have more range. The eyes and body can move freely. The mind is light. There’s no threat only creativity.

Discretion in what you lay out online is good policy but it can miscue people. It’s good to have a distinction between public, public and intimate knowledges. I’ve generally in the first 30-35 years told nothing of myself. I talk about “out there” in all situations. What I keep to myself I also keep from myself and that’s an obstacle.

Even knowing that about myself, it surprises me the omissions at Humanyms. I quit a career of a decade that was my full time filter and went into a funk for months. The closest to indication was an uptick in Pema Chodron quotes. Lots of pictures of flowers.

It’s understandable that I never mentioned teaching because that is the private lives of students who are political refugees and war refugees. I couldn’t make any image or story public as I am entrusted with their safety.

Online is to create a safe space, a counterbalance. If life is boring, someone may make troll-posts to create excitement. If life is too exciting, a safe spot. You make what you need. Several years ago a buddhist blogger cross-linked to her gothic dealing with depression blurt shouting space blog. That was quite the headspin to parse and integrate.

Several years ago a quilting and kittens blogger decided to do a post of play-by-play of masturbation saying, this is my space to share what I like. The comments exploded and people left angry that their norm of another was disrupted.

What did I omit? When I was driving daily to see my dad with head injury. When he was deep in lalaland of stroke and mood swings. When I was in that few year period and that was absorbing my energies he got 2 mentions.

When I was sexually assaulted several times within a year. When my closest female friend died.

Yes, thru it all, I was still blithely blogging amusing links. Superficial parlour talk. Or Collage of Undeciphered wisdoms.

Which is why bothers me when people feel they know me because they read here but don’t interact. Much of the story is missing.

Really knowing something is many contexts in person and text/creation extensions and longitudinal. If one wants interaction, of course, text isn’t it. A walk with a person allows understanding to expand better, where you can question, answer, slalom this way or that. But that’s not to say, literacy is without use. It can slip in to reach in times and places where a conversation might never get to. Text offers itself up for use.

  
 
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