Humanyms

Christmas in July

So, it’s not quite December. We’re not far off. Sweaters have been known to happen. For me there are a handful of days per year that do not involve long sleeves, jacket or sweaters. But my wonky body thermostat is a while other story.

Did you hear that?

A gap of silence. Ominous. It must be nearly time to be asked what we’re doing for Christmas and what we want.

And we’ll have to soon arbitrarily set the approximate hour of our arrival. To the quarter hour. If not more precisely. And hour of departure. (Ditto.)

And what we want for gifts.

The limits are wide open. Except it can’t be books. There’ll be none of that for xmas. Why? “Because we got you that before”. That’s resounding from a few directions. Sigh.

I like playing, but there’s something screwy. What an oblique game this is. Every year the conversations go something like,

- What do you want for xmas?
- Nothing.
- We have to give you SOMEthing.
- Like what?
- What do you need?
- I don’t need anything. I have too much stuff. Can I regift you something?
- (ignoring me) What would be useful?
- Cash is useful.
- No, it has to be a thing.
- Cash is a thing.
- (silence)
- (silence) You still have my Amazon list?
- No, we get you books every year!
- Food.
- No, something you can have and keep.
- What if I don’t eat it?
- (silence.) (the distant scrapes of heavy duty interrogation lamps on seized wheels)
- A zip-up, 100% wool sweater in dark blue or green.
- Something cheaper.
- Stamps.
- It has to come from the dollar store.
- What? Why was this not the starting question? Do I need a heart’s desire that rings in at under a buck?

And by the time Halloween decorations hit the store, (probably August 31st this year accounting for season-creep), most of their Christmas shopping will be done.

Y’know, the main shopping, that finishing up what hasn’t already got done in after Christmas sales last year and during grocery shopping in the first half of the year.

Not that I mind what other people do, so long as I am largely left out of it.

Tell me what you want, and I’ll try to give that emblem. Once you mention it at an appropriate time. For me, that would be almost 4 1/2 months from now.

Then, on your marks, get set…ooh, look at ticket prices for Aruba.