Humanyms

Is it You Or is it Me? Sponge People

Are you feeling what I’m feeling? Or what you’re feeling?

Have you had this conversation?

-Why are you so upset?
-I’m not the one who’s upset. It’s you.
-I’m only upset because you’re upset.
-Well, I’m not upset so you’re upset over nothing.

Makes the head spin, doesn’t it? Best to laugh at that point but doesn’t always happen.

Which is real? What to do? If I’m stressed (speaking theoretically of a generic case), that means I’m the one who’s stressed, right?

Maybe. Let’s come at this at another angle.

What can be communciable?

The Flu.

And?

Panic, laughter, hope, violence, financial strategies, the Macarana and the urge to solve Rubik’s Cubes says Martha Beck in “The Sponge People”, an article in the June 2006 issue of Oprah Magazine.

We perceive and experience so much, it’s hard to track back why we’re feeling what we do. Was it our direct experience, train of thought, the news, the person glowering or glowing near us in the store queue? Maybe it’s me. How to tell?

Could you be absorbing tensions from ambient others more than you realize? Some people are more susceptible, some less. Beck gave a quick “Sponge Test” for judging how sensitive you are to people’s thoughts near you:

“Humor me,” I tell Virginia. “Let’s try something. Hold out your arm, parallel to the floor. I’m going to push down on your hand. You resist me. Keep your arm stuck out straight.”

Virginia plays along, and I give several experimental pushes. Sometimes as I push, I think, You’re a terrible person! Sometimes I think, You’re fabulous! I try to keep the pressure consistent and my face expressionless. Just as I expect, Virginia’s arm feels much stronger when I’m thinking positive thoughts about her. When my thoughts are negative, she’s as weak as a kitten.

[...] Perhaps one of you will insist that this shift happens because you were communicating subtle cues through facial expression, body language, or some other physical action. Could be true, but whatever the mechanism —telephone telepathy or imperceptible physical signs—the fact is that many people are sitting ducks for social contagion. [emphasis mine].

We need a certain amount of armour against being on a roller coaster of irritated, distraught and joyful empathy for others.

It’s good to be aware that yanking ourselves around to “be real” and “caring” is knocking back a large cocktail of hormones through the bloodstream and brain. It’s powerful stuff. It’s also good stuff. It’s a social glue that makes us humanitarians and bonded to anyone.

It comes from a good place but how much is a sustainable normal? It’s a matter of balance because anything can be toxic and addicting [Not to use scare tactics or anything. Bad mental habit.], or it can be just what we need to set us right.

Next post: How to Disarm Yourself

Light Link: The physiology of sleep as a flash movie of the Doze family [via The Presurfer]

Menu: Jamie Oliver has inspired me — Vegetables cooked in foil bag (with balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, olive oil, torn sweet basil. Veggies included sweet potato, carrots, golden beet, white onion, red and orange bell peppers and zucchini) served over curly macaroni beside green beans.

Life’s Funny or is it Me? Walking through a mall food court feeling something was off. I couldn’t immediately put my finger on it.

All the people were sitting on the right side of the table. Odd.

There wasn’t a word said in the normally chatty place.

All the people there were men.

Oh-ho.

Checking the far wall — the Fifa cup projected to a rapt audience.