So far as new years resolutions go, I’m on track for work and life shape, but this exercise aspect…let’s just say that going out once a week to walk a couple blocks to eat is not quite up to the task of building rock hard abs.
But it is double-double season, that is double all items of clothes except for the underwear. (Wait, can bras be stacked?)
Doubled socks, two pairs of pants over long johns, two shirts, two sweaters, mitts with gloves inside. Forgot to do nested hats, but two hoods are better than one.
It’s a good city to be a live-in tourist in. There’s always many things going on. It is a great year for Winterlude. The snow and ice sculptures are cut and stay put. None of this melt-right-away business.
As usual, it’s -37 with windchill, -22 without wind. Still, t-shirt weather if you don’t count the 2 or 3 sweaters/long johns, coat, hat, scarf, hood, double mitts, double socks…
Living Starts with the Small is an article by Lesley Strutt on being aware of the moment you are in. Listening, watching instead of letting the inner narrative decide what is.
It’s the time of day when the light hits the open book shelves. And the the house heating comes on again.
Now that I’ve rearranged the furniture there’s a clear run of hot air from the vent to my feet.
The last 2 days have been super productive. Chugging away in a beautiful run of physical and mental clarity, everything clicking as if this is what normal should be but often isn’t. My to-do list is a choppy sea of check marks.
And last night was a crash. From 7pm on, I was useless. I slept hard. Woke feeling compressed, that reboot thing of 11 hours unwakeable sleep, but gradually the feather-pillow of self fluffs back into its loft.
I only am scheduled to leave my brick hibernaculum 5 more times over the next 4 weeks, maybe 6 if we go out for my birthday.
Most contentedly, I am looking forward to my curtains. For 3 years I’ve considered window treatments, but nothing suited. Going store to store whenever I am near or special find-curtain missions. Nothing. Now I’ve found it and just need to make fabric into curtains and hang.
This is the year of completion, getting life in order, maintaining it along the way and keeping on track.
Instead of computer getting bloated with missed shots, taking the time to delete them out. Instead of making a to-do list and call it a day, going over them each morning, making priorities.
A day for groceries, an hour for reading, a scheduled time for editing, a scheduled time for new work. Computer off at certain times. No access to whatever happened to have happened somewhere in the world.
Time is more manageable when scarce. If given any amount of time, there’s no end to how long any stage of any one thing takes. So far, it’s working.
But doing everything right, having balanced days of work, play, nutrition, sleep, exercise, social and solitude, I still crashed. But I made progress while aloft.
I’m aiming to spend less time doing that by being aware of my energies better, knowing when I can push, and when I need to let myself be unhorsed. (Okay, that was autocorrect. “When should I let myself be unhorsed?” seems an improvement to “When should I let myself be unharried?”)
I’ve always been bullheaded but compromised without communicating that I was stretching myself, becoming a thin-gum while keeping up the sense that I was offhanded fine. Which benefits who, exactly?
Keeping up the insistence on the wrong method sounds like determination and discipline but might just be foolish. For example like the man who came into the dentist with a broken front tooth. What happened? He was trying to pull out his Christmas lights and it wouldn’t come, wouldn’t come, so he pulled, pulled, it gave and it came and he punched himself in the face so hard he broke his tooth.
Sticking my heels in and will not be hurried. But will be choosy and make sure I don’t punch myself in the efforts.
I’m getting in touch with my inner mule and adamant, not happening allows time for following the gut-yesses.
That’s gone—the built-in click thumbs up or thumbs down accommodates laziness and only exacerbates the problem of people seeing the computer content as something to consume rather than people to interact with.
Bad call on my part to offer the option to digitally frown without explanation on my own digital territory.
So thumbs up or down, more for the fuckit list. Which leaves more headspace for the rest. Which is the positive side.
I sympathize increasingly with people who live in the cash-no-plastic and face-to-face-only world and avoid digital and its means to divulgences and cookies.